Two families have been in the news in recent days. The family of Jaycee Dugard who was found 18 years after her abduction and the family of the reality TV show“Jon and Kate Plus 8.” Both families have one thing in common – extreme stress that led to marriage breakdown. The first family did not ask for it, the second is debatable. While most families might not go through such stress or breakdown, they have deep wounds that have never healed. Sadly, the hurts get passed down to the next generation. Just like a physical wound, the sooner the proper healing begins the better it is for all involved. How can this healing take place? Let’s begin with what does not heal.

1.       Guilt or blame casting do not work. Our grandparents, Adam and Eve, blamed one another and the rest is history.

2.       Half-hearted or brief efforts do not work. Understand that healing is a process that takes time, right guidance and willingness to change.

Next, understand the main causes of marital wounds:

1.       Differing expectations of marriage. Shaunti Feldhahn conducted hundreds of surveys with men and women and documented the results in her books For Women Only and For Men Only. One result was that the greatest need in a woman is affection but the greatest need in a man is respect. It’s like going to the auto parts store and ordering a hamburger!

2.       Failure to anticipate selfishness in marriage. Our natural bent is to look at things from our own perspective. Instead of becoming the right person, we are always trying to change the other person.

3.       Failure to work through difficulties and trials. As Ephesians 4:26-27 reminds us“Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.” Remember, your marriage has an enemy and it is not your spouse.

4.       Failure to recognize the changing seasons of life. In his book Seasons of a Marriage, H. Norman Wright devotes a chapter to each season – season of expectation; season of the twenties and thirties; season of mid-life; and season of the empty nest. Lack of understanding and preparation can be serious.

Healing can happen if the following three ointments are applied.

1.       Intimate understanding and acceptance of yourself. Many marital conflicts stem from a poor self image and insecurity. Most self-help books only lead to more selfish thinking. The Bible will give you the most accurate image of yourself from God’s perspective, as seen in Psalms 139:14 says “I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”

2.       Intimate relationship with your mate. Dennis Rainey of FamilyLife gives a short and to-the-point premise of his book Staying Close – “Your marriage will naturally move toward a state of isolation.” The goal of every marriage should be oneness that leads to a growing understanding and appreciation of one another.

3.       Intimate relationship with God. This is the most essential of the three. It begins when we make the Bible a priority in our lives. As we hear, meditate and obey His Word, the Holy Spirit comes in all fullness to occupy our inner being. As a result the life of Christ becomes real in us and “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”(Philippians 4:13). Now we are able to change, forgive and accept our mate as God’s gift to us. The hurts don’t stop but we have someone who helps us heal and keep growing towards oneness.

How about those cases where one partner is no longer available for healing? Ask God to heal you. His grace is sufficient.

Life has changed but not as we hoped. It was predicted at the 1962 World’s Fair in Seattle that by the year 2001 we'll work shorter hours; have more time for art, sports and hobbies; and work only 24 hours a week! It is 2009 and we work longer hours, have less free time and more stress. Wouldn’t it be great if we could rewind to simpler times? In his book Little House on the Freeway Tim Kimmel replies: “Life will never again be like it was when we lived in our quiet little houses on the prairie. We all live too close to the freeway to back away from its reality. Together we enjoy all of the benefits and conveniences of modern living. And together we suffer the inevitable consequences.”

Hurried living has taken its toll on our entire society. It’s greatest impact has been felt in the family. A family is a network of relationships that requires time and patience. Both are hard to come by in the average home today. Instead of being a refuge, many homes feel more like a refugee camp. In some homes arguments and blame casting have become a daily habit. In other homes the inmates avoid each other and live as angry neighbors. Sadly, the kids are not immune to this commotion and turmoil. What has happened? Have we selfishly sacrificed our families on the altar of success? Maybe some but not all. Ask most people why they work so hard and they will reply that they are doing it for their family. In a crazy economy they are simply trying to stay afloat, plan ahead and give their loved ones the best they possibly can. That’s not a sin. We have been programmed by our Creator to provide for those in our care. Furthermore, the Bible never condemns success or hard work.

How then can the busy and not so busy families make it in today’s world? First, we need to realize that every family will face difficult seasons in life. Ecclesiastes 3:1-2 says “To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven . . . A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted.” The times of planting are naturally busier than the times of plucking. It is natural to face those strenuous times of late work hours and loss of job. Believe it or not, your parents, grandparents and great grandparents faced them too. The answer is not in bailing out or blaming one another. Second, forgiveness should be freely given. When Peter asked Jesus if seven times was enough to forgive someone, Jesus replied: “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:22). Pent up bitterness and anger is the root cause of many broken homes. Third, the antidote to all our cares, worries and fears is the life of faith. Faith reminds us that God is in control. It assures us that “all things work together for good to those who love God.” It helps us to visualize the “things unseen.” The only way to obtain such faith is to be built upon Christ. In Matthew 7:24-25 He said, “Therefore whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock:  ²⁵and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock.” Things work out in a strange and wonderful way when Christ and His Word are at the center of our lives.

 

According to the Beige Book (a Federal Reserve snapshot of our economy) released on Wednesday last week, our nation’s economy continues to spiral downwards. Ten out of the twelve Federal districts are declining while the other two remain weak. The national unemployment rate is now at 7.6 percent, the highest in more than 16 years and is expected to reach about 9 percent this year. In his annual letter to shareholders on Monday last week, Warren Buffett warned that the multibillion-dollar bailouts by the US Government will bring on an “onslaught of inflation.” Finally, the push to nationalize looms ominously over the horizon.

Is there any meaning in this madness? The Bible does warn of a time when such things will happen. Revelation 6:5-6 states “When He opened the third seal, I heard the third living creature say, ‘Come and see.’ So I looked, and behold, a black horse, and he who sat on it had a pair of scales in his hand. And I heard a voice in the midst of the four living creatures saying, ‘A quart of wheat for a denarius, and three quarts of barley for a denarius; and do not harm the oil and the wine.’” The judgment of the black horse symbolizes inflation, famine, and hunger during the Tribulation. The rider with a balance scale in his hand signifies that the government has control of the food and is weighing out bread to the people. A denarius was a typical laborer’s wage for a day. In the first century, it had a much greater buying power than it will in the last days. One denarius could buy about 16 quarts of wheat. According to the prophecy, the denarius will be inflated and will buy only one quart of wheat. One quart is about 2 pints (4 cups), which will barely feed one person for one day. How about a family of four? This will require people to purchase barley, a low grade grain suitable for the livestock. It would be three times cheaper than wheat but enough to feed a whole family for a day. But this will leave no money for clothing, shelter, utilities, and medicine.

As bad as it may seem in America, we still have much to be thankful. In Zimbabwe, the breadbasket of southern Africa, people are dying of hunger and cholera while their dictator just prints as much money as he wants. Recently, 8,000 lobsters, 100 kg king prawns, 3,000 ducks, 4,000 portions of caviar, 8,000 boxes of Ferrero Rocher chocolates, 16,000 eggs, 3,000 cakes, 4,000 packs of pork sausages, 500 kg cheese, and 4,000 packets of crackers were spent on his birthday party while his people are paying one million dollars for just one sack of flour. This may explain the prophecy “and do not harm the oil and the wine.” The “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” will gallop through our streets after the rapture of the church. But if we put our ears to the ground, can we not hear their hoofbeats growing louder by the day?

Is there something we can do to save ourselves from this judgment? The answer was given about a quarter of a century ago by Billy Graham in his book “Approaching Hoofbeats.” He wrote: “At some time in the future – a time unknown to us – the terrible hooves of the four horsemen will finally trample across the stage of human history . . . but in the meantime it may be that God’s hand of judgment will pause when we repent.”

We have all heard these words or some variation of them lately. Everyone is feeling the pinch in one way or the other. Sometimes the pinch is not immediate, as one lady remarked to me, “I am not that worried about myself as I am about my children and my grandchildren.” How can we as Americans respond to such times? It’s time we return to some foundational values that made us great.

First, it still pays to budget and save. Stopping all spending is not the option. It is unrealistic and counterproductive. It is unrealistic because without spending you cannot survive. It is counterproductive because it will make the economy even worse if there is no cash flow. Instead, do you remember seeing your parents and grandparents budgeting and saving? Those habits require discipline and self-control but the rewards are tremendous and long-lasting. For example - a good home cooked meal not only saves money but also remains a miracle cure for most family conflicts. When you eat out remember to take those coupons. We keep ours in a folder in our van so when the urge hits we can eat out and still feel smart about it.

Second, don’t wait for it to come to you. We have heard the words “global economy” more than ever lately. The internet has forever changed the face of our world and business. We may not be able to return to the glory days of Norman Rockwell’s small town USA or Remington’s Old West, but we still have the spirit of America. “Pulling yourself by your bootstraps” still remains a unique American spirit. The French political thinker and historian, Tocqueville observed this spirit in his visit to America in the 1830s. He said, “As one digs deeper into the national character of the Americans, one sees that they have sought the value of everything in this world only in the answer to this single question: how much money will it bring in?” Although we know that money is not everything, we know how to adapt, adjust, regroup and step into the face of the global challenge. We need to instill this spirit of entrepreneurship in our children and train them to value education, broaden their horizons, work hard, take calculated risks, and not wait for it to come to them.

Third, begin to invest in our local community. It has been my experience that instead of buying something locally and saving more we often drive two hours to look for a bargain. Then if we are dissatisfied or need servicing we drive again. By supporting our local businesses we will fuel our local economy and support our local job market. The job you save might be your own.

Finally, remember to be thankful. No matter how hard the times get, we are still blessed to be living in a great nation. Our freedoms are a gift from God and still worth preserving. We need to take seriously the words in Psalm 33:12, “Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord, The people He has chosen as His own inheritance.” God is not through with our nation if we turn from our sins and return to Him. Will Rogers, cowboy and humorist from yesteryears, once remarked, “What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.”It is good to have things that money can buy as long as we don’t lose the things that money can’t buy.